so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
