Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
