thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
