Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
