You're so nebulous sometimes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
