My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i dont even know how to be here
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
