You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
