so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
