This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
