is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
