It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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