I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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