well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
