So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
