first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
