He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I love having hate sex.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
