Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
