we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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