my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
