It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
There's even glitter on my cock...
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