matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
