She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
