y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
