I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
