You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
