mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
