When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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