god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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