Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window

Fav 12 1331 3139
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(540): View more from Virginia

The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.

(703): View more from Virginia

So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...

Fav 9 4212 1391
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(916): View more from California

Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?

Fav 4 3221 1263
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds

Fav 16 1490 1211
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(407): View more from Florida

I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.

Fav 9 2620 868
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(207): View more from Maine

All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?

Fav 4 1101 554
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(519): View more from Ontario

I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.

Fav 0 396 249
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(713): View more from Texas

You threw up everything but your ovaries.

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