Are we in a gay sports bar?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
