she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm like, not good at living.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
