there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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