the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
