either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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