Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
