New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
