Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
