Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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