I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
