I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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