Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
