I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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