we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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