you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
