she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
