Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
