They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
