Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
