They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
