I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
