Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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