I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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