Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he was CRYING into my vagina
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
